This year has been an amazing journey and also a year that has been the hardest in terms of gratitude and appreciation but more along the lines of personal growth and building strength and courage. You see, I believe that happiness, sadness and appreciation arrive in moments…just as the purple hankie did.
The Purple Hanky – Gratitude
This year I had to bury a son…felt the deep affects of losing a childhood friend…and lost some amazing online influences that truly impacted me…I’ve had health issues that made it extremely difficult to work..fortunately I bounced back….its been a year filled with tears, a lot of hard work to keep my mental state in tact but most of all its been hard to feel blessed! Everything has been a fight…to get up in the morning, to feel the sunshine…smile..all the little things we take for granted are the things we should be grateful for. I have moments…and so do you! Don’t judge me or any others who have suffered tremendous loss..but people should remember its the moments that count and can change your life.
View Your Life in Moments…
On the upside many wonderful things have happened, my business is growing and my other two sons are awesome and I have the man that I love by my side..I still have a great sense of humor…yes, I cry a little easier now and in reality I am ok..I have bad days and good days probably like you….but still there is this ache, this yearning and something is missing within… it’s missing one of my sons and all I want to do is hug him just one more time.
Take Time and Tell Those You Love That You Love Them!
About three months ago…I attempted to talk to my blogging mentor who happened to lose one of her dearest friends. I knew how I felt about it and it shook me and impacted me but I could not imagine how she feels… My mentor Colleen Kulikowski was mourning the loss of her good friend Laurie Manny and still mourning another great friend Joe Ferrara. It pains me to think about her sad, then again I really hate it that people feel sad but I know if we never experienced sadness the happiness wouldn’t feel the same and we would take it for granted!
You Never Know What Is Going On In Someone’s Life – Take That Into Consideration!
While we tried to be brave and not cry..there were many moments of silence..uncomfortable silence..the kind of silence that needs to exist otherwise you would hear nothing but sobs. It had been a long time since I had seen or talked to her, I knew she was already feeling blue..she was on her way to Laurie’s Memorial. It made me feel better that she called..I wasn’t focusing on myself. She didn’t know I lost a son. I couldn’t bear to talk about it…so I didn’t. I was just so happy she called me even if the words were hard to get out and I wanted to be there for her! I perked up when she said she was mailing something to me….yes, you got it…the purple hanky.
Pay It Forward – Make Someone’s Day
She brought up the term Pay It Forward, I have never forgotten the little lesson and by her doing this little action…created a reaction, one I hope will make someone else smile. For me I gave the hankie to someone else…I swear I never used it but I loved the hankie so much…. once I touched it…I knew it was meant to be shared and with someone who needed it more than I.
The Purple Hankie – Memories of Love – Sadness – Separation – New Beginnings
I took the hankie and placed it close to my heart…I cried…because it had meaning…it brought me back to when I was a little girl living in PA with my stepmother..little does Colleen know…I had a dress in that pattern. Many viewed the dress as too hot for Florida and it was satin and velvet. I didn’t care…the dress was special to me and I loved everything about it and the hankie reminded me so much of the dress
Purple Is Still My Favorite Color!
It reminded me of a time…of love, sadness, chaos and loss as a small child but it also reminded me of some of the most memorable times in my life where a woman did everything she could to give two children a good life…the two children were not hers, we have since reconnected on facebook!
Every Online Action Creates A Reaction And Can Impact Someone’s Life
In October I took a trip to South Florida where I was anxiously waiting to see old friends. We had a fine dinner and a few laughs but we now had something else in common…a mother lost a son and sisters lost a brother… a man who I loved a good part of my youth…..he was gone..but the pain remains.
I Never Had The Guts To Tell Him How I Felt!
When I sat with Mama Halloran, I could feel her pain…I could see she was hurting…just like my mom and just like me. I know how it feels to lose siblings. Its painful enough but imagine losing a child..you suffer..you feel guilt…and the thought of not holding or touching your child again..is very sad and devasting. I can attest to that..its just recently I am feeling the impact..with holidays..his birthday approaching and his two brothers together without him..yes..it pains me…deeply..I’ve been in denial for too long.
Mama Halloran Is So Special And So Are All Of Her Children
I dug in my purse..and pulled the hanky out…I shared with her the story about Pay It Forward and the inspiration of Colleen Kulikowski and Laurie Manny, I shared a little about Ryan but I really wanted her to know..how special her son was and she is too…and the hankie was meant to cry into..to release the pain and keep the great memories close….we talked and watched a slideshow of her son several times. It touched me and reminded me….why I loved him most of my youth. I stayed a little longer than everyone else…that moment changed many things inside me but still both of us were still the same, we are without our sons, feeling loss and devastation. There are no words, actions or deeds to eliminate that kind of pain.
A Parent Should Not Have To Experience That In Their Lifetime
This holiday season while you give thanks remember to tell those that you love how much you love them and if you are fighting with your family or haven’t spoken to someone who you love…pick up the phone. Don’t wait! Regrets suck…
I Love The Internet Especially Facebook!
Last week an amazing thing happened…I got a message from google voice….my little stepson who we couldn’t find for a couple of years…is back in our lives…his mother found me on facebook..I cried the moment I laid eyes on him and hugged him as if it were my last…I think it was the work of angels or at least someone or some rooting for us! We have Daniel back in our lives…its the moments..and everything can change by one phone call, one sentence, one action!
Be A Little Nicer To Those You Don’t Know!
If you should happen to come across someone who might appear ungrateful or unappreciative…remember you never know what is going on in someone’s life and there are bigger things in life to lose rather than money, success or fame. The biggest loss is always someone you love. For me…I’ll do my best..and as I think about it…I am grateful..with great friends, the best family and most of all the special moments of happiness. Did I tell you my brother Albert is coming for Thanksgiving?
♥Thank You Colleen♥
I dedicate this post to anyone who recently lost a loved one but especially to the woman who took time to teach me the fundamentals of blogging, the same woman who stayed connected and gave me a gift so special, who isn’t afraid to live and love. I Thank You Colleen..and I am sorry but it was you who stressed Pay It Forward...the purple hanky was more impactful and you thought it was for me, yes it was in a sense but it felt right to pass it on!
